Who Wants to Live Forever?
A friend of mine is a Breast Cancer Survivor. Actually, she's just about to have her reconstructive surgery, so it's a fairly recent thing. And I'm not sure she puts herself in the "survivor" category yet.
Recently, she's been talking a lot about her fears of reoccurrence (as so many in her position do), and I've found myself with a lot to say -- but without the will to say it. Maybe it's because I live with The Thing in My Head. You know, the thing that could explode some day and rob me of my speech forever. (It could also kill me, which would be a total bummer.) Or maybe it's because my kid sister has a bum heart, and has been told her whole life that she shouldn't plan too far into the future.
Who knows? But I just think that you can decide either to let the fear dominate your thoughts, or you can decide to just find a place in your mind to store that information and go forward. Personally, I've chosen to live in a blissful state of denial. Because what the fuck can you do about it, anyhow? You can either live scared, or you can choose to go on. And if the worst happens, I guess I'll deal with that later.
Maybe it's just a little too soon for my friend. And, yeah, I've been brainwashed enough by pop-psychology to know that you can't tell people how to feel. But there's a little tiny part of me that wants to hug her and say: "Eat anti-oxidants, exercise and control those things in your life that you are able to control. Beyond that, you need to put the fear someplace far away and just live, okay?"
That's insensitive, I know. I just hate to see her stuck and upset and worried all the time.
posted by bogusboobs at 12:20 PM
7 Comments:
I don't think it's all that insensitive, Grace. Your heart is in the right place. Knowing that one should put all the fears in one deep place and move forward...and DOING it...are two different things, though. What a wonderful friend you are for her...sometimes the only option a friend has is to keep her mouth shut and pray...hard as that may be.
Grace... I don't know what to say. Everyday I'm hearing of young people sick and dying and so many of my friends have got/have survived/have not survived/are in remission/are not in remission from cancer. Some are upfront and like to talk about it, others prefer to lock it away, all I can do is respect and try to understand where they're coming from.
I do wish everyone well
I don't think you are being insensitive. There is alot of truth in what you say and have experienced in your own life. I think alot of it has to do with our culture so determined to ingnore death. We don't talk about it and so it takes on more and more fear. As a pastor, I have found that once you really talk about the fear of death and let the person who is facing it explore it, you can then walk with them to the place where it becomes a reality that is liveable. You CAN go on and live because you have come to terms with death. There is so much courage and bravery in the human soul. My prayers are with your friend as with YOU as you live with the unpredictable and the scary.
sometimes you just have to listen, not try to find the right things to say and stifle the urge to say what's on your mind. When people are really scared, they just want to be HEARD, they want to know someone is trying to understand their point of view. Don't ask me how I know this to be true.
I have to admit that I never know what to say in that kind of circumstance, either. I'm not sure whether constructive ideas work or if the best thing is just friendly support. Maybe the best thing to do is to ask your friend, "what can I do to help you out?" But *fortunately* I haven't really been in this kind of situation so I can't offer any great advice :-(
Nothing insensitive about it, hon.
I personally believe in blissful denial. I also believe in fighting fire with fire, also known affectionately as the "fuck-you-attitude".
I think most of our physical demons sprout from our minds, so, as much pity as I feel for your friend, I am sure she'll heal up just fine, especially if her faith drives her.
Give her my love, okay?
Not insensitive at all Grace. I think you are being a great friend. :)
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