Thin Ice
If I look back on my life, I think it's fair to say that every "good" idea I've ever had turned "bad" at roughly the same moment. What was that moment, you say?
Right around the time the first penis walked into the room.
Today it was "Disney on Ice," and a dozen six year-old bladders on an impossibly long ladies' room line. I had a "good" idea, which I'd borrowed from countless trips to Broadway plays and the Metropolitan Opera: I took over the nearest men's room and converted it into a temporary ladies' room. The little girls marched in, and I stood guard at the door, waving off the few Dads who were seeking some relief.
Then, the aforementioned penis arrived.
"There are little girls inside," I said as he attempted to enter. "They couldn't wait."
"It's okay," he replied, brushing past me, "I take my little girl in here all the time."
He rushed to a urinal and - as God is my witness - whipped it out and went. Thank goodness all of the little girls were still safely in their stalls (taking their sweet little girl time), and he was out of there in a flash. But I was horrified at his behavior, and at my complete and total inability to protect those to whom I'd offered a safe place to pee.
After it was over, I apologized to my friend (she was with the kids while I "guarded" the door, and had a front-row seat for the show) for my impotence. She was sweet and forgiving, but I was left to face some hard truths. One, that I lack the gravitas of a 60 year-old grandmother standing outside an opera house bathroom and daring any man to enter. And, two, that men are pigs.
posted by bogusboobs at 1:16 PM
11 Comments:
Well THAT man certainly was a pig...
No harm done so far. I have recently been attempting to grow a spine myself in order to deal with a pushy bitch who keeps dumping her kids on me. The girl is my daughter's best friend (and a sweetheart). She also has a 3rd grade boy who is quite obnoxious. She seems to think that even though I no longer have little boys running around my house, that the two should be a package deal sometimes (because he just loves me soooo much!). barf. Spine growing- its on my to-do list.
He takes his daughter into the mens room all the time.....Someone, please call child welfare.
I'm with Tess - although I'm sure I don't know how a single Dad is supposed to handle this - as for growing a spine - if you can't do it, Grace, the rest of us are doomed! And you get as many Mommy Points as there are for taking how many little girls to Disney on ice?
My money is on you Grace. You can handle any situation. As far as men being pigs....I thought that was a given. :)
speechless!
men seem to believe that their need to take a wiz supercedes everything else in the world--privacy, good manners, descretion, the protection of little girls. I wish I had a dime for every man I've ever seen standing nest to a wall taking a piss in public. I have done many things in this life that I don't look back on with undiluted pleasure but I can honestly say that peeing in public because I couldn't hold it or find a public restroom is not one of my many regrets. You CAN TOO hold it. Really. It won't kill you. It should, but it won't.
I'm with Tess and the rev. dr. kate...please get child welfare in the mix on this one.
Men. (Deep irritated ragged sigh)
Men irritate and annoy the &()&*)^% out of me.
Of course, I would've embarrassed the fuck right outta there. I would've buddied up right next to him, taken a long look at his penis and pointed, laughing. Then I'd say: "Don't worry girls...nothing to see here."
Of course in SA, Black men have no manners whatsoever. It is part of their "right as men" to not only take any woman they want, but public urination is disgustingly common here.
I constantly have to cover Anushka's eyes in public. They just piss anywhere at any time, 'cause we should "respect their culture" !!!! No shit!
See why I wanna move to Maine?
axe: I saw them do the other in the park in Capetown too....
Yep, and the "good news" is that the only room I can get for December, is smack dab in the middle of the Nigerian drug rings here in town! I am going to room with pimps and druglords, Ann!
What a Merry Christmas awaits me!
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