A Fish Tale

My husband’s niece is a nanny in another state, and the stories she tells about her little charges make me want to kiss my own spawn until they scream to be let go. Here’s a true one for the ages:

A mother of three decides one day to take her children to the local aquarium. She has a 10 year-old with Down’s Syndrome (which is irrelevant except to suggest that he’s a rather strong boy, with a much younger child’s impulse control), and two younger children.

While in the aquarium, the mother suddenly notices that her 10 year-old has wandered off, and a panic ensues. She enlists the help of several aquarium personnel, and they begin to search for him. A few moments later, he appears, except that he’s absolutely soaked, from his sneakers right on up to the backpack he always wears.

By this time, the mother’s nerves are shot, and so she leaves the aquarium and loads her kids in the van for the trip home. It’s a this point she notices that her son is not only wet, but he smells awful, too. She vows to give him a bath – and to get the story about the dunking he’s obviously taken – as soon as they return home.

As they reach home, the woman is nearly sick from the smell coming off of her son. She opens the front door to the house and – whoosh! – the child speeds past her and up to the bathroom, backpack in hand. He closes the door behind himself and locks it.

The poor woman has now completely lost it. She bangs on the bathroom door, demanding to be let in. She can hear water running inside, but her son refuses to answer. Frightened, she finds a way to get the door open. She swings it wide, preparing to chastise the child in that way mothers do when they’re quite angry, but equally happy to see that a child is alive and healthy.

Her son stands before her, his backpack open on the floor. Just then, she detects a bit of movement out of the corner of her eye. To her left, in the family bathtub, is a penguin. And on the floor, in her son’s backpack, is a pile of penguin poop.

Post-script: As my niece tells the story, the good folks at the aquarium came to collect the little bird, and everyone survived the incident. The workers reportedly told the lady that, but for her child’s special needs, they would have had no choice but to call the police.

I took my kids to the local aquarium here on Long Island yesterday, as I do every couple of weeks or so (the benefits of “membership,” don’t you know). My 5 year-old daughter’s favorite thing to do is to feed and pet the stingrays at the touch tank. No backpacks allowed!!